I wish I could start out this post by saying that I’m a control freak in a cute way such as: “I have to have my closet color coordinated, or my shoes perfectly in a row”…(I mean, I do) but I realized some time ago that always needing to be in control is not a cute thing.
Let me start out with a not so nice story,
We have a couch, now mind you it was given to us when we moved into our apartment so we didn’t have to worry about buying a couch for a while. It’s not the cutest thing, but it was so nice of the person who gave it to us since we really cannot afford brand new couches at the moment. This couch has a slip cover over the top because the couch is a bit worn down. I have a daily fight with this couch cover every single day, I mean constantly. This thing just does not stay down perfectly like I would prefer it to, it’s always ruffled up or coming out of the couch cushion. Every single morning before work, and every night after dinner I fix this thing. I mean I pull out the couch and rip the cover off and start from scratch. Sometimes I want to cry over how sad it is that this bothers me so badly. I do not want to feel this way over A SLIP COVER none the less…but I do.
Joe does not feel the same way about the couch as I do, of course. One day after I spent at least 20 minutes perfecting this stupid thing, put the throw pillows just so on the couch he did something that made my blood boil. He SAT down on the couch… and I shot him the ugliest, dirtiest, glair and I could feel it. I think there was steam actually coming out of my ears. It was like he just personally offended me. He had no idea how long I worked on fixing the couch and had no idea that purely sitting on our living room couch would make me furious. How could he have known.
I felt so embarrassed and sad for how mad I was, and that’s when I realized that my control issue is not at all in anyway cute.
I have to pray for the help to not obsess over silly and minuscule things like this everyday.
Thankfully I have a fiancé who knows this about me, and thankfully understands and does try to help the best he can.
Trying to control your thoughts can be really hard, just this morning I resisted fixing up the couch before work and I know that it’ll be okay. My new daily prayer will be to help me control my thoughts, because I do not need to feel controlled by a silly couch cover.
Joyce Meyer, you speak to my soul.